Job Application

This is a real cover letter I attached to a writing sample for a comedy writing gig.

Human Resources
Motel 6 Corporation
Via Email

To Whom It May Concern…(To Who It May Concern? No, to Whom, I had it right the first time…),

My name is Sean Abley, and I am applying for the Weekend Overnight Desk Clerk position, recently listed on www.admit-defeat.com. I can honestly say, after all of my experience in the job employment industry, my one unrealized dream is to check people in to Motel 6.

If you’ll allow me a personal anecdote: Several years ago (for legal reasons, I’m not allowed to be too specific) in or near Anaconda, MT (ditto), I had the fortune to check into a Motel 6 very late at night. Although my appearance that evening could generously be described as “disheveled,” (Side note: The blood on my face was my own, as was the pair of handcuffs attached to my wrist and a severed [presumably] human forearm [not mine].) the night clerk barely looked up from his computer screen as he checked me into my room. Where I’m from this is called “minding your own beeswax,” and this dedication to personal privacy is but one reason I’m driven to work for Motel 6. Well, that and the amazing rooms – Seriously, where do you get those sheets?

Lest you think I’m “kissing up” to the boss (fingers crossed!), when the police arrived early the next morning, they, too, were impressed with the fine quality of the room.

I’ve attached a resume, but highlights of my experience and education include:

Waste Management of the Quad Cities – Assets Manager. Duties included: Identifying and accruing assets; Asset transportation; Asset disposal; Light phones and filing.

White Castle International, Inc – Customer Satisfaction. Duties included: Looking at customers; Listening to customers; Apologizing to customers; Standing.

Loni Anderson High School (fka Loni Anderson Memorial High School until the school board was informed she had yet to die.) – Information Specialist. In my five years at LAHS, I gathered information equivalent to a high school diploma (1.5 GPA). Reason for leaving: I had big dreams!

I hope you see something in my experience that says, “Motel 6!”

Sincerely (Or should I say Motel 6-cerely!),
Sean Abley